35 signs you are a true twin mom (with twins under two)

I did some research among fellow twins moms and concluded that if you recognize yourself in three or more of the following points, odds are you’re a twinmom with twins under two.

1. It’s 11am and you walk around like a severely disheveled version of Kathy Bates’ character in Misery (and usually still do around 5pm).

2) There are days you need to use the ladies’ room at 10 in the morning but don’t get round to actually going at 9 in the evening.

3) Saturday and Sunday are pajama days (as are some week days because, well, why not).  

4) The closets in your home have more baby clothes in them than clothes of your own.

5) Your own wardrobe is composed primarily of an impressive selection of sweatpants and ‘comfort fit’ sweaters.

6) You’ve mastered multi-tasking so well you can actually take a picture of yourself multitasking (for instance: bottle-feeding two kids simultaneously and posting a selfie of that scene to FB in the process).

7) You get round to other activities that don’t revolve around your children, such as: shaving one leg or painting the nails of four fingers.

8) Putting on the water cooker for some tea, then walking back into the kitchen one hour later to find lukewarm water in said cooker.

9) Being chased all day long by two crawling babies (and occasionally also by one or more toddlers, a dog and/or a cat).

10)  Cutting up sandwiches into bite-sized chunks with a pair of scissors.

11) Navigating your way around two kids’ chairs, two play areas, 40 pounds of toys, a stack of diapers that matches your cupboard for height all day long - and that’s just your living room.

12) You know exactly which of your kids is crying, even when they’re both in bed, upstairs with the door closed.

13)  You invest significant time and energy finding out whether your twins are identical or not, unless you have a boy and a girl (if only to be able to answer questions from curious strangers).

14)  You promise yourself to go for a walk outside later, and manage to get your kids dressed and in the stroller 5 minutes before sunset.

15) You discover, at last, what it must be like to be a celebrity when you push the same stroller around town.

16) You’re relieved to not be a celebrity who has twins…it’s anyone’s guess how they get themselves out the door every day.

17) You are close to dispair on a regular (daily) basis - until one of your children chuckles or rolls over for the first time. Day. Is. Made.

18) You save the task of cleaning the bathroom for special occasions.

19) Or: you have a cleaner and burst into tears of joy every single time (s)he rings your doorbell.

20) When the whole house is finally tidy and you sit down feeling accomplished... BAM - someone starts crying (and it’s not you, although you suddenly get a strong urge to).

21) That whole thing where you match the clothes your kids wear? Yeah, you give that up pretty quickly as it seems to be a magnet for one of your kids’ impressive displays of explosive diarrhea

22) Nevertheless, sometimes you still make the effort because it just looks so cute.

23) Your husband is almost as adept at changing diapers as you are.

24) Occasionally you admit to a fleeting feeling of jealousy towards singleton moms with just one child because they: gave birth at home/ sometimes have one hand to themselves/ have the occasional night’s sleep/  have less trouble finding a babysitter

25) Yet you would not change places with them for all the money in the world.

26) Your children share a language only they understand.

27) And they do a lot of things holding hands (like sleeping)

28) They’re also not averse to exchanging wet sandwich crusts and saliva-covered toys

29) A real twin-fight will occasionally erupt in full force (hurray for dual play pens - at least: as long as they cannot climb out of them.)

30) Every few weeks a full sized truck pulls up to your house, delivering a cargo-load of diapers and wet wipes

31) As a result, your joint checking account is overdrawn before the end of the month (and you had already cut back on your hours at work).

32) So this year your summer holidays will consist of a round trip ticket to your back yard, or a holiday home two blocks away (saves packing).

33) But when your twins’ first birthday rolls around you will pull out all the stops.

34) Not least to celebrate that you survived the pregnancy, birth, the first few weeks postpartum and the first year as a mom.

35) Because damn: those were rough days. But also so exciting.

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Janneke Jonkman

Janneke is the face behind My Little Dutch Diary. She's a writer and a mother of twins.

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